musings.
Its funny how some people can be.
Or should I say, how weird can some people be.
bahh. grammar ._.
This writing fiasco is back. LOL. I don’t know. All of a sudden I feel like pouring my heart’s contents. Everything. Rants, angst and bla bla.
I have long accepted the fact that people are fickle. People leave, people change and people disappoint. Its a never ending cycle. Suffice to say, I am one of the “people”. Yet, I feel the blow and it bugs me every now then although I can’t pretty much give a damn.
Its stupid, isn’t it? I don’t give a damn cause I’ve accepted the fact and I feel the pinches of it. Hmm. I cannot comprehend too.
You called it off. And I can’t help but feel a deep sense of longing/envy. How and where did we fall? Thinking back, I feel so stupid for bearing everything on my own. Now, where am I? I am embarking on a new journey. To leave the past behind me and to be ignorant of it. CLICHE I KNOW. bahh
I mean, the pieces still haunt me from time to time. There’s no use of making amends to the situation since we’re both unwilling. I don’t think it would become the way it used to be anymore. After all, we’re “people”. We change, we leave. For the better.
I hate looking back at memories. Not because it hurts me. Its because, whenever I look back and think, I experience a new sense of realization. Of every hidden mistake I’ve made and how I could have avoided it at all cost. There’s no point regretting here. We are not what we were today. I’m kinda happy about it. Not that I’m trying to save my pride/say that the grapes are sour.
There are endless possibilities. And each one of it could happen, depending on circumstances. If we continued the way we were, I don’t think I’d be what I am today. From the conventional point of view, you’re clearly living off better than I am. And I am a jealous person. I am always green of envy. Always vindictive, trying to hope that you’ll eventually screw things up so that I would be the one laughing in the end.
But I’ve grown to ward off all these crazy little musings out of my head. I’m not trying to prove anything to you. I don’t even have the slightest intention to. I mean, we’re done. I’ve cut off all ties with you and I don’t see a need for me to be affiliated with you in any way.
Hmmm. I just want to be who I am. I live the way I want. Occasionally you would pop out in my mind. Sadly, I don’t have full control over my brain (or brains?). Hmmm.
I live to be conceited. After all, we’re just humans. We’re “people”. In the end we will always “change, leave and disappoint.” I am no different from that.
:)
